I went to my friend's convocation yesterday,

and heard that one of my friend got a korean boyfriend because she works in a korean company. Envious. If only I could get into a german company. As convocation draws near, I recall the missed opportunities that took place during my undergraduate days...

It seems like the dream to work internationally is getting further and further away from me...

I guess my application for Zacademy falls through... Am I destined to live a life like so many other of the people I know...? There's nothing wrong with theirs, but just that they prefer to stay put where they are, whereas I'm just ready to take off any second.

So i realised the opening for Lufthansa's IAP closed just when I was going to apply...

It seems that my dream toward Germany is getting further and further to the extent that it seems impossible. Maybe I'm just fated to be a loser, willowing in self-pity and swimming in my own regrets.

Inertia probably got the hold on me...

Or perhaps it's lack of motivation or incentive.

Ich habe keine Ahnung. Approximately 3 more days to making a decision.

Eat a few months of grass and perhaps things might be better?

It's july

seems like I didn't get the Y&R job :( hope i get the lufthansa job which I will be applying in a few days.

Na ja...

Got my first rejection letter from P&G. Oh well. Somehow I think I might not get into Wunderman too, recalling how my initial resume sucks so much and all my achievements are like those light hitting dust particles in comparison to those sparkling stars high up in the sky.... Still, deep down, I still hope I will get it. It's easy to have faith, when all is good... The challenge is to keep on believing, in times like this. But what if I believe, but it turned out otherwise? Ja, I know there's no use worrying about tomorrow, but just like emotions of the heart, can one stop it? One can probably distract oneself from it, but in the quiet recesses of the night, these suppressed images and thoughts, together with those regrets, scream louder than one's brain can contain.

Singapore is filled with haze, just like in the movies like The Day After Tomorrow or Independence Day... Just like how the Earth is, before it is destroyed... The haze blurred the surrounding, the blue sky and greenery fade out of sight.

I experience the haze within and without.

The air will clear someday, but... will the haze within be?

"Jealousy... is...

the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on". Seeing people having MBA, dream jobs, exploring the world just make me so green with envy. It's easy to say to explore the world, live and travel while you're young if you can. For example, having money, studying engineering and doing an internship because they are in high demand, or simply having a german other half. But I have neither. Even if I want to execute something, can I? These lofty dreams and desires are laying dormant in my head, struggling to become reality... I don't know if they are going to be dormant forever... or for how long.

When I read about other people's achievements,

especially those who managed to get into Harvard MBA, it makes me feel that all my achievements and skills are merely speck of dandruff on a shoulder. Aren't trying to belittle myself but sometimes, I just have to wake up and face the truth. In comparison to those people who have sold their businesses for over millions of dollars, established organisations and invented new technologies as undergraduates, I begin to feel like that little star that is slowly losing it twinkle and dying out...

Edit: I'm not sure if it's coincidence or fate... I'd tumblr opened in another window and after typing this blog entry, I went to tumblr and saw this post: http://spiritualinspiration.tumblr.com/post/45490510784/let-us-run-with-endurance-the-race-that-is-set

Still writing those cover letters...

Somehow I wish Wunderman or Commerzbank could get back to me, soon, if they even want to. So that these cover letters writing could stop, maybe for a while... It's worse than writing those academic essays...

Have been deleting some friends off Facebook...

Friends that were my classmates. Too much pessimism and every time I checked Facebook, it was usually their pessimistic soliloquy status. Sometimes you don't see yourself losing much deleting a friend because you guys didn't keep in touch. It seems as if the friends are there to make up the number.

A little tired of writing cover letters

because I don't really know what people are looking for in cover letters. I could search for "how to write a good cover letter" and such online and they could tell me the criteria... but I wonder if employers care about the format? I always believe when you put your heart and mind into writing something, that will do the job. But sometimes, it seems there's a certain format, certain "correct" way of writing" that employers may be looking for that can lend you a job.

Sometimes I don't think I set my priorities right. I should focus my energies on applications for the jobs I want and companies I want to work at, rather than aimlessly sending out applications to any job openings.

I wish I get the job in Munich. And now, it is okay for me if I get the job in Sweden. But first, gonna finish up my application. Get on with writing my cover letter. sigh.

Today I was watching an episode of Running Man...

... In this episode, the challenge for the two teams was to get autographs from allocated Korean writers. 

Ha-ha read a phrase from one of the writers' book, it goes something like: when you look at a mountain from the East, it is a mountain at the West. When you look at a mountain from the West, it is a mountain at the East. But when you look at a mountain from afar, it is just another mountain.

Pretty meaningful quote. A pity that I forgot who the writer is. Tried google-ing it on google but to no avail. Guess because it's translated and I have a better chance of finding it if I know what it is and can type it in Korean. 

And I'm impressed that Jae-Suk managed to answer what is Gulliver's occupation in Gulliver's Travels. To think I actually did one of my academic essays on Gulliver's Travels and I didn't know what his occupation was!

Lying awake on my bed for hours last night,

I thought about the chocolate croissants that I had in Europe last summer. I thought of what life would be, if I could work and live in Germany. Moving into a little space, for the little me. Making friends with the neighbours and saying "Guten Tag!" every time we meet. Stocking up my own groceries. Cooking my own meals. Inviting friends or neighbours over for cooking sessions, parties, or simply just to get together. Feeling like a fashionista everyday when I step out of the house with layered clothes and boots. Watching soccer with the fun people. Going to the Oktoberfest or the many other parties that the Germans have just to have a chance to have fun. I thought and imagined and wished they were real, or that they could somehow be real.

I wish upon the stars, that I could work and live in Germany soon. May good news come in a fortnight, with blessings from the moon.

Sent that application, and sent a few more...

Preparing to send to another one, which I would labeled as one of my dream company in a dream location. 

Got a call to go down for a PR job on Monday. Not sure if that's what I really want though, couldn't picture myself in there. An unknown plunge of laziness just sinked down on me. Perhaps if you want something enough, you will be motivated and go forward to get it. Perhaps it's not something I want? Or perhaps it's something I want because society wants me to? To get a job and be productive. Wary of the company too because there are just too many multi-level marketing and like jobs advertising under PR and Marketing categories in the job searching website. Not what I want to do, definitely; and I don't want to go down for the interview and having it turned out to be that. Location is far too, takes around one hour. Maybe I am just a lazy ass.

I'm not sure if I should just sit and wait for that dream job/those dream jobs to reply to me while doing nothing, or should I continue to send applications to companies that are hiring and doing things that I think I may be interested. If the latter, I might have a job if, touch wood, dream jobs don't see me as part of their dreams. Basically the mentality of settling for second best because you can't have the best; just like many people in relationships, which is kind of sad, aren't it? 

Thinking of doing post-graduate studies. Thinking of an MBA. Or perhaps a second bachelor in Engineering field. I'm thinking about industrial engineering and management, partly because I like designing and think that being able to construct and design is wonderful. I don't know yet, perhaps wait till I have got more cash. 

Till now, I keep my fingers crossed, for the dream job in the dream country. Being hopeful, till I might have to wake up and face the painful truth. Or perhaps, till a pretty fairy casts some magical sawdust on me and turns me into that lucky person to receive the job. And bring me to that magical land with the fairy tale castle.

Till then, let me dream a little... till then. 

I hate this place and it doesn't help when my mum kept

asking if I have found a job. Of course I want to find a job, get out of here and go somewhere else, out of this house, and start a new life! It doesn't help with her asking me the same thing everyday when I am well-aware of the fact myself already.

Endlich, I have finished and submitted the job application

and now I can only keep my fingers crossed. Wonder what will come out of it. Hmmm...

Well it's May and soon it's going to be June...

... So people are travelling since it's the summer vacation for students, grad trips, or even a chance for getaways for working people.

Recently, I saw a lot of people going to Europe, especially Germany, when I scrolled through Facebook. Why the sudden flux?! It makes me so envious... wish I could be there, doing something productive, not just travelling around to sight-see.

Hope everything turns out well for the application.

Wish I could watch the Champion League finals.

And, I'm not sure where did my narcissism arise from... but when I realised so many friends are visiting Germany this summer, which was not the case all along since I didn't really know a lot of friends going there, I wondered to myself if I'm the influence? Is it because of the photos I took of the beautiful places in Germany, and my status updates about the wonderful people there, that make people want to go there. Ok, that's all.

I feel I'm really a perfectionist because I like the chance to restart

and do things all over again so I could, or so I thought, make things more perfect or better. It has been with me since young. I used to rewrite my homework over and over again just so I could have the beautiful handwriting of mine printed on the paper when I was in high school. I used to read text over and over again, when I read them half-way and realised that the way I was reading them weren't perfect, I would start reading right from the start. During university where I'd to write tons of essays, I will delete everything off the document and rewrite all over again, that includes my FYP. I think that's why I'm slow.

At times, I have also the urge to delete away this blog, start a new one with a new URL and blog about more beautiful things, just to, maybe... make it more perfect.

But for now, I thought I should keep it. I like the URL, it has been with me for a while.... keeping it, for old time's sake.... for now.... maybe.

Does anyone feel that the commentators for German Bundesliga on Football Channel are

a little biased, especially toward FC Bayern Munich or some of its players, or is it just me? And, they got the players' names wrong sometimes. It made me feel as if they are thrown into commentating for the Bundesliga when in fact, they actually wished that they were commentating on some other matches that they were more interested in. I wished I could tell them, whoever they are, that Lahm is not Schweinsteiger is not Van Buyten is not Müller is not Mandzukic is not Alaba is not Dante........ and the list goes on. Also, I think it's really i-don't-know-what-word-to-use when they made comments saying things like FC Bayern would still do as good even if a particular  player is not with them even though the player was scoring goals for the team. I mean, why say such hurtful things? And some are really biased against Bastian Schweinsteiger. I know there are people out there who don't like him as much as I do too, but sometimes the commentators' remarks were just negative and condescending. An instance was when Bastian Schweinsteiger was probably trying to explain to/plead with the referee about his so-called penalty and the commentator went like, "Why is Schweinsteiger even talking to the referee. He's not the captain, Lahm is". I know the captain usually speak on behalf of the team to the referee, but if Schweinsteiger was the person directly involved in the so-called penalty, wouldn't he be in the best position to talk about it?

Well, if they (the commentators) ever read this, they probably would ask if I could do a better job than them. Frankly, I wouldn't foresee myself being a good commentator, so I wouldn't even take up the job in the first place. But if it's your job, it's just natural for you to understand what you are doing and do it well. Getting names wrong, not knowing who the player is and has to wait till he turned his back so you could see his name on his shirt are definitely things that I think a sport commentator shouldn't do. I know there are a lot of players and it might be difficult to remember all the names, but seriously, every time? Fans would probably already know who the player is, what's the point of mentioning the name after 10 seconds later, and leaving the interval in silence with the commentator probably hoping the player would turn his back to the screen so he could see his last name on his jersey.

Meanwhile in FC Bayern Munich, Holger Badstuber suffered another rupture of his cruciate ligaments in his right knee again and has to be kept out of matches for another six months. That's really saddening.

And it seems like an end of the football season marks also the end for many. Jupp Heynckes' last season with FC Bayern Munich as their coach. Mario Götze's last season with BVB Dortmund as he is going to FC Bayern Munich for the next season. I probably need some time to get used to see him in his new red jersey. Just a little too used to seeing him in yellow. A little too many Marios in FC Bayern? I hope the current Marios will still remain in FC Bayern even though a new Mario is coming. I'm not sure how the team dynamic for the upcoming season will be. New player, new coach...... I hope it will be for the best. For them to claim the position of deutscher Meister again.

And away from FC Bayern Munich, Mike Hanke from Borussia Mönchengladbach will not have his contract renewed with the team, so basically, he will not be playing with the team anymore. :( It's kind of sad because I read that he was really happy to be in the team. Also, other prominent leavings in the football world would be Sir Alex Ferguson and David Beckham. I guess David Beckham is just literally an icon for football. Probably nobody, even without any knowledge of football, would not know or have not heard of him. 20 years of career sounds pretty short, but it's still awe-inspiring.

And once again, GET WELL SOON, HOLGER BADSTUBER!!!! I just wish I could give him a hug because he has been such an inspiration to me. Unlike me who has not achieved much, he, being the same age as me, is a renowned figure with so many people supporting and being there for him. He might probably feel that he is wasting his time away because he has to keep out of the field for another 6 months, plus athletes careers are pretty short, but I hope he wouldn't be discouraged, continue to fight on and come back a better player.

Meanwhile, I shall continue to work toward my dream... though I might not be as successful as Holger... but still... life moves on...

I'm finally near to completion of putting my work samples into

a single word document. Just realised I needed to scan an article. :( Hopefully I could take a high-quality and clear version of it with a camera.

I wonder what will I receive in return in putting so much effort into this application. While I think that some of my designs are pretty great, I believe there are many people, such as students from the fine arts, who could probably do a better job than me.

Oh well. Off to get some sleep before trying to complete the document tomorrow.

Finally, I am near to completing my application

for Zacademy and sending it out after so long. Just have to do a collection of my work samples. Hopefully I can finish by this week, which is tomorrow. Hopefully they want me though; just wanna work in a different country such as the US or Europe.

So, I have slowly come to accept that I'll probably never, ever see or befriend Sebastian again. Was reminded of him again when at the end of a show that I was watching on TV, a brand named called "Sebastian" appeared at the bottom of the screen. Among all the other brands that appeared alongside it, it was the only one that I really noticed although it was at a corner and not the center. 

Well, when one door closes, another opens, they said. Recently, I started to doodle little comics of my encounters with Sebastian on the few pieces of receipts that were piling up quicker than cash in my wallet. I'm having some trouble translating what's in my head into ink on paper. He looks different in every drawings. Perhaps I don't have the flair for drawing, despite my passion for it. At one point I ran out of patience when I was drawing the scenes of our first time talking. Partly because I'm just repeating the same drawing and just changing the dialogues. Yes, I remembered every exchanges we made, every word, because we didn't really talked much. 

On another hand, a company wanted to have a phone interview with me. I don't know if I want the job; I applied it partly because it has a company in Stuttgart and I just want to work in Germany; Netherlands is fine too right now. Let's see how the interview goes.

My bff from my summer university will be visiting another friend from the summer university in a few weeks since they are both in US. Wish I could join them too. Hope that I could see them again.

My face has been switching between being extremely oily and extremely dry recently. A few acnes have recently join the others to reside on my face. My hair has become brittle and hard to manage. Same as my acnes, it is either extremely oily at the end of the day and extremely dry after I washed it. To wash or not to wash, that is a problem. I think I'm just rotting day after day...

Okay, back to collating my work samples and hopefully something nice comes out of it.

Goodbye, Sebastian...

With a heavy heart and a bag full of regrets, I will type this last post about Sebastian. Well, even if I find him on Facebook, so what? I guess it's not about adding an extra friend to your friend list but the quality time spent together that is really important. Failing to find him on Facebook, it makes me wonder if I made him up myself... he, who is someone I created and therefore so perfect. He who is always there with empty seats at the table. His beautiful grey shoes and his wonderful smile. His voice when he says he's from "Amsterdam" and he is here for "exchange". He's like a dream, a phantom, that is so surreal that I don't know if he's real anymore. When I first met him, I thought I would have all the time in the world to know him because it was only the start of the semester. As time went by, I met him again having the same mentality. And I met him near to the last week of school and I took this chance for granted. If only I spent like 30 seconds to ask if he would like to go for coffee together someday, we might have become friends... He will be someone I'll always remember, though I may forget how he really looks like someday, I will always remember Sebastian, the guy from Amsterdam who has really nice shoes and smile. I hope I get to see him again, someday, somehow.

Goodbye, Sebastian...

This is really creepy but I actually

sort of searched Facebook for Sebastian's account. Yeah this is creepy. same goes to posting it on confessions, isn't it? (But I didn't do it, don't know why). It's strange, I couldn't find him at all. Is he even real? Does he even exist? Yeah, I know, he may be just really private about these social media things or simply does not use Facebook often. But seriously, not even a photo of him could be found on the exchange group. Went to school today, didn't see him. Guess he's probably back in Amsterdam or travelling somewhere. Just hate myself for not using 30 seconds to ask for his contacts when I met him the last time. Didn't know it would be the last. :(

They say, God's timing is always perfect and everyone plays a part in your life. Though I couldn't befriend Sebastian, knowing him actually let me know that I could actually study and/or work in Netherlands where English is mainly spoken. Perhaps God is just using Sebastian for that purpose?

Well, I don't know. It seems like a form of self-consolation. But there's no point engaging in a series of lamentation. Let live and be lived. A little regret in my life; if only he would post on the confessions and look for me... but ha! Who am I kidding.

Damn mosquitoes

biting me here and there.
 Why am I always the victim,
the one who ends up with the most mosquitoes bites?
Is it that my blood is more delicious,
to these little creatures,
or what? Je ne sais pas.

Today FC Bayern Mūnchen received Medals for

winning the Bundesliga title! Didn't know they have won the title for the most times in the Bundesliga history! That's so awesome! The match today against Augsburg was pretty stagnant at the first half of the match, putting a nil-nil score at the half-time whistle. At the second half, Thomas Müller took the head lead to score the first out of the total three goals for the match, followed by Xherdan Shaqiri and Luiz Gustavo respectively. Nevertheless, I have to say that the goalkeeper for FC Augsburg is really good; same goes for the team in general.

Sometimes I wish I'm Berni so I could stand and watch the game near the field.

Anyway, I'm learning HTML so I'm just going to try out some of the things here.

This part onwards may not make sense and you should probably stop reading.

Do you wish you're Berni?

Yes

No

Go to: Tumblr Facebook

Okay, I don't know why the form doesn't work :(

Whenever I see news report about people's death,

I feel so sad. Why should these innocent people die? And on the other hand, I yearn for those evil people that are still living and reminding me of their presences to die, to replace those innocent victims, no matter who they are. I just yearn for these evil people in my life to die. They have been around for too long. I imagine them running over by a car, or contracting an incurable disease and passing away... Perishing from my life and never to appear again. Just die die die die die. Death is the only thing I want from you.

Why do those innocent victims, those adorable children with great futures ahead of them, those adults and elderly that have been inspiration to many, should take the place of those evil people. If hell has open its gate and is hungry for human, take those four fucks!

So, exams were over yesterday

so I'd a bit of time to do nothing. Felt a little accomplished because I finished my resume that I want to send to Wunderman. Hope I get something in Europe though. And I'm going to school next week to do a Bloomberg test. And, I miss Sebastian.

When I first saw him, it was the start of the semester. I thought it was still early and I have plenty of time. And then time flies and it's the end of the semester, and I didn't achieved much considering that we didn't become friends. Oh well. :(

So I finished my last exam of my university life today...

... was in the library revising my work and hoping that I might meet Sebastian. But I didn't. :( Going to school again to return some library books I borrowed for my FYP. Hopefully I might see him there. But, I probably wouldn't be sharing a table with him? No excuse right? What am I gonna do at the table? Look at him? And he probably wouldn't go to the library anymore when his exams are over? He's an exchange student so probably he will be travelling or something? I don't know. Really hope I could befriend him.

Walked past a friend who asked me to sit with her during an elective lectures because she'd no friends in the same class as her and didn't want to be alone. Oh well. She didn't even say Hi to me when I walked past her before the exam. Did she not see me? Or is she upset that I didn't fork out time, shove my FYP writing aside and make time to show her what the professor wanted us to focus on because she chose not to attend class? And now being upset with me? Oh well, I don't really feel angry, upset or whatever. Perhaps because we contacted each other after entering uni because she needed someone to attend lectures together, and on the other hand, I has someone to attend lectures with. I may be selfish; it may also be because I value producing quality work for my FYP over friendship with her? I'm thankful for all my friends who had been so understanding and encouraging during the period of my FYP. Some people stay and some people leave. I don't really care, I don't know why. Too tired from studying for the exams? Or perhaps, I just see what's important in life. There's too many things to fret about and some things just aren't one of them.

Shall start updating my resume and apply for jobs tomorrow. Gonna watch a few episodes of Heidi anime in German, vielleicht. Oder gehe ich sorfort zu schlafen. Ich bin ein bisschen müde.

Why do people

like to send messages to their boyfriends/girlfriends by posting the messages on their facebook status updates? Can't they just create a private message window or something? Why do people feel the need to publicize everything? To make everything public, everything known, to everybody, when clearly it doesn't involve everybody? Is this a thirst for attention? A compensation for the attention that they cannot get in real-life? Or, to create a "perfect" lifestyle online, making people into believing that he/she has a wonderful life? Why... Why... Why... Perhaps I'm a little cranky trying to come up with ideas for my COM258 exams. Thinking between a year-long campaign (what do I do to make a campaign last for a year? Even google seems to fail me at this time) and a promotion for a new brand of sport shoes and sport wear. And thinking back, the other question I planned might not be on track. Emailed the professor, hope he might be kind enough to enlighten me a little.

A tree that I saw outside my window

just grew out leaves the other day.
Full of green leaves.
Today, a few days later,
red leaves appeared on it.
A sign of imminent withering
or possible bloom?

The game between BVB Dortmund and FC Bayern Munich

was pretty agressive today. A red card was issued for Bayern Munich player Rafinha. Pretty dramatic because both sides got into a seemingly heated argument. But it ended as quickly as it started. Looking forward to Bayern Munich winning the Champion League title. Unfortunately, I probably won't be watching the game because I don't have the channel. Oh well, would be nice if I can find a soccer buddy to watch it at the pub. :( Would really like to see Bastian Schweinsteiger and Mario Mandzukic in action. But, oh well, highly doubt this will happen.

Looking at my recent blog posts, sometimes I feel that

I seem a little obsessed with the Dutch guy. I don't know why I am so, especially when I have only met him four times-- in January, February, March, and April. It's May and I hope that I could see him once more. I'm thankful for my buddy who is always suffering my craps and craziness toward the Dutch guy and even asks me to brave myself up and talk to him. But I don't want to burden her with too much of my craziness for the Dutch so I guess the best outlet is here. I hope he doesn't find me rude the last time when we met, we said Hi and I just ran off. I was rushing to print my FYP which was going to be due in like a little while and I only managed to submit it just in time (Although I heard that people who were 15 minutes late after the submission time managed to submit as well, it's better not to risk it huh?). Thinking back, I guess having me asking if he wanna have coffee someday or whatsoever wouldn't hurt or delay my submission, but at that time of panic, all in my head were printing and submitting my FYP. :( :( :( I'm going to the school library to study on Monday, so hope I get to see him and share a table with him again.

If not, goodbye, Sebastian. I hope I see you again in Netherlands.

Mobile Advertising

Was reading the slides for my COM258 - Integrated Marketing Communication module and contemplating about the exam questions. And then I received a mobile advertisement on my mobile. Wondering how feasible is mobile advertising? Why would anyone use mobile ad in the first place?! True, it reaches out to people personally through SMS-es and such, but how many people actually read the content, no matter how concise it is? Perhaps it's only me, or do other people similarly get frustrated and irritated by mobile ad that you wished you have a block button to block the numbers from sending you mobile advertisements? And how reliable are they actually? The Internet is a much colourful place when people want to look for products and services, isn't it? And mobile ads, stop being so irritating. I wish I could block you guys from my mobile. I feel an unknown whelm of frustration and irritation whenever I see you guys. Get lost.

Planned to finish reading all the slides for COM258 on Friday

so that I could start working on the questions over the weekends and Monday. Yet, it's already 4.47 am on a Saturday and I'm no way half done with the slides. Probably gonna sleep an hour and continue with it because I can't absorb anymore. Hopefully, I'll be awake an hour later. Sometimes I think I sleep too much. Plan to go to school to study and print out my "summary" of the slides, but if I'm yet to finish, I have nothing to print, isn't it? I hope school isn't going to be crowded or noisy. And maybe... I could see him in the library again.

Just finished reading the slides of a chapter for my COM258 exam...

... Studying for my last two exams in my university life evokes a feeling of ambivalence. Perhaps, "bittersweet" might be a more romantic term to use. "Bitter" because everything is coming to an end, and "sweet" because everything is, likewise, coming to an end. Frankly, I really enjoy university life and if I could re-live it again, I would lived it better. Sad to say, I know many things and know that I could do many things (exchanges, internship, etc) a tad too late. Nevertheless, I'm glad for all the things that I've learnt, the classes I have attended, and the people (be it friends, professors, strangers, etc) that I have met. And these are the reasons why it's "bitter". But, as my FYP professor has told me, an end is the beginning of something "new". Something positive, I hope. I guess parts and parcels are mandatory in life and "this too shall pass" suggests that bad and good things will eventually come to a full stop. For this semester, I wished I could befriend Sebastian, or whatever his name should be spelt in Dutch. A poem has been running in my head the past few days, about my missed opportunities with Sebastian. I shall write it down, when the thoughts become more coherent in my head and I am able to string them into words. I know there are still a few more days to the end of the semester, which suggests a tiny possibility of me meeting him again, but what are the possibility? Well, to quote a song of The Beatles, "Let it be".

I will end this post with a poem I found online:

Source: http://s-undayevenings.tumblr.com/post/49521775396

I'm more productive in school library than at home, I don't know why. It seems I never get a lot of things done staying at home, even though I feel like I'm doing the same amount of things as when I'm in school. I don't even take breaks often at home whereas I would have coffee breaks or whatsoever in school. Sad to say, sometimes one can't have his/her cake and eat it (I don't know why he/she can't, you actually can if you buy a cake and the purpose is to eat it?! Well I digressed): The school is too far and I, perhaps, am just too lazy.

And yesterday at the school library, I actually thought I met this guy that I blogged about a while back. I'm not sure if it was him because he didn't stand out so much anymore. Still have the nice glasses, but well... I don't know. And he spoke in a language that I didn't comprehend, french maybe?

I should get back to revising and hope I could get an A- for this module. Yes, ambitious, but doesn't harm to aim high, right?

Film Review: Bride and Prejudice

So, I decided to get some practices on writing film reviews, something that I'm pretty clueless on how to go about writing. Through practices every now and then (hopefully), I hope I could write better film reviews in the future. Due to my inexperience, this film review may contain spoilers.

For a start, I will review on Gurinder Chadha's Bride and Prejudice (2004).

Chadha's Bride and Prejudice (2004) is a Bollywood adaptation based on Jane Austen's novel Pride and Prejudice (1813). Chadha follows closely Austen's plot but foregrounds the love story between Darcy and Lalita (Darcy and Elizabeth in the novel). The movie is a two-fold transpositions, both temporal (from 19th Century to today) and spatial (from England to India), that focuses mainly on how two different cultures (East and West) reconcile and synthesize to form a new "hybrid" identity. A mix of Bollywood and Hollywood elements, the movie shifts from being a critique on the upper-class in Austen's novel to an exploration of multiculturalism and the diaspora identities. Unlike the characters in Austen's novel that serve as grounds for criticism on the 19th century society, Chadha's characters function as comic relief and satire on issues and mentalities of today's world. Yet, unlike Austen's characters who possess strong psychological complexities, which are illustrated through their dialogues and perspectives, Chadha's characters, in comparison, appear superficial and lack emotional depth. This may be due to the use of the filmic medium, where the film's limited duration does not allow the characters to be developed to full-fledge. Nevertheless, the movie is a light-hearted comedy that looks at and explores relevant social issues from a humorous perspective. And, one doesn't need to have read Pride and Prejudice before watching the movie.

Goodbye B-, Hello A+!

Dear B-,

it has been long. Why do you have to appear again? B+, could you be my final grade for HL303? I wouldn't mind if A-, A or A+ wanna come, but really, B-, could you leave me alone? :(

Auf Wiedersehen!

Post-FYP Thoughts

So, I just uploaded a soft copy of my FYP online. Realised there are a few grammar mistakes :( Wish I'd more time to perhaps read/glance through the final printed out works. Looking at it again after two days is certainly refreshing. Felt bad about my grammar mistakes, like I could never create something perfect, and accomplish something great. Stuck in this rut, I can never get out. Guess I ain't perfect, and can't make the cut.

FYP

A bittersweet feelings toward it: I've finished it but yet I don't want it to end because it means I'll graduate soon. 

In time of adversities, you see who your true friends are. And I'm glad to say I have awesome course mates who're always ready to lend a helping hand. It was a bad rush today, editing and re-phrasing my sentences. Luckily I made it at the eleventh hour, although I didn't get to read through it for one last time, or take a picture of my two hardcopies, or to make sure everything is printed properly and clearly, Well, oh well. I'm thankful for the wonderful people I met.

And surprisingly, I met you again today.What a surprise. Wished I wasn't in a rush to go and print my FYP so I could talk to you more. Nevertheless, I'm glad you said HI, maybe you remember me, maybe you just said that because someone said "hi" to you. Hope to see you again, before you return to Netherlands! 

Sometimes when you talk to me, I wonder if you really meant to talk to me or you did so by mistake.

Baader-Meinhof

It's amazing. Just the day after I posted my previous post, I met this guy two days in a row. The first time, he was so well-dressed-- A blue button shirt, neatly combed hair, and glasses. When I saw him, he is so foreground that everything around him, including me, took a back-seat. We managed to walk past one another but I wasn't too brave to look right into his eyes. He's just so beautiful. And so, I met him again the next day. This time, he was in a plain T-shirt, but still looked wonderful anyway. Again, our eyes met, or so I thought. And he was alone. Looking at his backview, I wished I could take the empty seat opposite him and befriend him. I guess that probably will be the only two times I will see him. Sigh. And he's an exchange student, so, goodbye.

Pan Am -- My latest favourite TV Show!

How I love Wednesdays! Not because there's ladies' night and free entrance to clubs. It's because I get to spend the night watching my favourite TV show: Smash, and Pan Am!

I particularly like Pan Am because of the time period it is set in. Today's episode was the flight's en route to Haiti on their way to Venezuela because one of the passengers onboard had a heart attack and needed immediate attention. Well, in the end they had to abandon his corpse (yes, sadly, he died. he was taking a flight back to his late wife's hometown) in troubled land Haiti. I wished they brought him back to Venezuela and be buried or whatever in his late wife's birthplace. But well, he created an impact and helped a refugee escape with that. Well, that's good. What are our bodies when we are dead? Perhaps it's good that we could be buried or something; but it isn't that bad if we could use our dead lives to save someone else's right? And because the runway became too short for a Boeing 707 due to the damages caused by a hurricane, the passengers actually have to abandon their belongings. Hmm, what are material stuff anyway, right? Pretty touching episode this time round. And well, can I emphasize enough, Dean (acted by Mike Vogel) is so so so so so so so so charming and good-looking, especially in that pilot's uniform. Man, take me to Haiti or whatsoever, I don't care with such good-looking pilot. Heh, just kidding. But, I just can't stop thinking of the fact that he's so good-looking through the whole show! I guess the pilot's uniform plays a significant part in making him so handsome too.

And how sexy his voice sounded when he says the announcement. Sad to realised that Pan Am only has 14 episode, which means it probably going to end soon and Wednesdays will never be the same again...

Man, how pretty that face it. Wish I could meet someone like that in real life. Humans are visual creatures but it doesn't mean the so-called good-looking people are always at an advantage. What I find good-looking may not be the case for another; it's pretty subjective so don't come telling me that it's superficial.

Project Work

Project work can be fun, but it can also boils your blood to 1000 degree celsius. It's either people are too eager, and they just try to do anything without giving you a space to squeeze in between them and say, "Hey! I can do this!". Or! They are just so so so so so so so busy. They apologise again and again, because they couldn't finish their parts on the agreed time. Yeah, seems like others who have finished are so free.They expect you to meet up for a group discussion online at freaking 12AM, when everyone could have done everything earlier and stuff if it's not for them. They didn't turn up for arranged meetings, giving excuses and apologies and excuses and apologies. What's up with the world? I don't understand why you can like and share videos on Facebook and you can't finish the stuff on time. Hello??? Talk is cheap. Do some action. And stop editing and editing and editing, when apparently you have no idea what's going on. Just make me so pissed why people with poor time management and lack of strong sense of responsibility exist.

You Only Regret The Chance You Never Take II

I have previously mentioned this quote in one of the earlier posts. Easy said then done, I realised.

hmm. seems like Sebastian is a common name; been seeing it on the internet, articles I came across and even in almost all the books I read!!! Man, it's just everywhere. But where art thou? Appear again, maybe???

You Only Regret The Chance You Never Take

True enough. What has you got to lose, for taking a chance, perhaps of trying to get to know someone or talk to a random stranger? A split seconds of embarrassment if you were perceived negatively? As if the stranger would remember how you look like exactly for the rest of his/her life! As if, he/she will be able to paint such an accurate portrait of thy face infront of his/her friends. Life's short. Live in the moment. At the end of the day, you'll only regret the chance you never take. 10 years down the road, when you look back, it is these missed chances that prick your heart strings.

Dead

Big bird in the sky,
carrying hundred of lives.
May the evil dies,
and never see the next day light.

Er ist heute auch nicht in der Bibliothek zu lernen, sehr schade. Treffe ich noch ihm?

German Bundesliga: Schalke 04 vs. BVB Dortmund

I love it when weekend nights are soccer nights. However, today I didn't manage to catch FC Bayern München in action because Starhub, the company of the football channel I subscribed to, showed the match between Schalke and Dortmund. :( It seems like I missed an interesting match by FC Bayern München judging from the scores and updates I saw online, and naturally Mario Mandzukic in action. He's one of my favourite players in the team.

However, the match between Schalke and Dortmund wasn't so bad although it would be more awesome if I managed to catch FC Bayern München instead. But well, I have to wake up to the idea that it's football channel, not Bayern München Soccer Channel. It wasn't so bad since both teams were really awesome teams.

Like a soccer game

I enjoy watching soccer game, not just because of the excitement, but also each soccer match allows me to reflect on things in life through the players' interaction between each other. Life's is a stage, people may say; but life, can be a soccer match whereby people we meet and interact are either our team-mates or rival. Of course, with the transfer market and frequent change of teams in the soccer world, it also reflect that someone may not be your rival/team-mate for life.

And last Sunday, FC Bayern München played against 1899 Hoffenheim. Pretty agressive team I would say, in comparison to FC Bayern München. And I think there was this time when Bastian Schweinsteiger was pretty pissed off with being tripped over and such by player(s) from 1899 Hoffenheim and he was thus, for a few seconds, trying to confront the Hoffenheim's player. Luckily Javier Martinez pulled him away. I'm just so glad for Martinez's gesture-- the feeling of looking out for one another in the same team.

On another note, I saw from TV that Hoffenheim is a small town with about 3000 people. Would love to visit there someday though. :)

He's just not that into you

Admit it. Wake up to that fact.

His race, personality and/or nationality are certainly not excuses for his passivity. If he's interested, he should take the initiative, especially when you have already taken it twice. Some people may think chivalry is dead, some may think that there should be gender equality so guys need not necessary make the moves. But face up man, if one is interested in someone, one will at least take the initiative to initiate something, even a simple "Hi" on the phone.

Stop finding excuses and live in self-denial.

Personally, I'm not romantically-inclined to him, just wanna be friends. But sometimes, I think taking initiative should be a two-way process, not just one part initiating it all the time. Oh well, oh well. On the bright side, at least I get positive responses when I took the initiative. But it makes me afraid to continue to do so for I'm afraid I'm not so lucky all the time. Oh well.

Swedish House Mafia

Tonight, Swedish House Mafia will be having their One Last Tour concert at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. Just as the name stated, this will be their last tour because they are disbanding. :(

I'm not sure how many people in Singapore know about them but they certainly produced awesome music. One of them is the recently "Don't you worry, child" that youtube star Sam Tsui made a cover on.

Well, wish I could go for their concert but the tickets were too expensive. :( Understandable.

For some great music from Swedish House Mafia, check out this site on youtube: Swedish House Mafia TV

The devil sounds, focusing me to be further than God. But I know with God's strength, the devil's sound is futile. And when these past, the devil will be punished and shall never be able to make a sound. No more.

It's funny, you know. I've always thought I could put you down and move on, but after knowing when you will come here again, it created this weird feeling inside me and with me hoping that you will let me know about it.

Ah life. I think it's always better to be alone.

Where To Stay When Travelling

Everyone probably has a budget when travelling, depending on what one prioritizes. Some people don't mind cheap accommodation and would rather spend more of their money on food and shopping. Others would prefer a comfortable place to return to after a long day of walking and sight-seeing, preferably something with facilities such as jacuzzi and swimming pool.

In this post, I am going introduce some places one can stay in, depending on his/her budget. I have practically tried everything.

1) Hotel
Of course, the first thing that comes to mind would probably be hotel. But, if you're on a low budget, hotel might be too expensive for you, especially if you're travelling in countries such as Europe where living expenses are pretty high itself in comparison to Asia. But if you value personal space and prefer to be alone in a quiet space after a day, hotel is definitely the choice.

However, if you want a quiet space on your own and do not wish to be disturbed and hotel is unfortunately beyond your budget, another option would be BNB (Bed and Breakfast) or AirBnb.

2) BNB/AirBNB
Personally, I have not tried BNB; but I have tried AirBNB when I went to Paris, France. People put up spare rooms in their houses for travellers to stay a day or two. The price mostly varies according to where the place is located. I.e. The nearer a house is to the city centre of Paris, the more expensive it probably will as compared to those further from the city centre. Where I stayed wasn't in the city centre but it was pretty accessible and was only 5 metro stops from the station at the city centre. Therefore, the most important thing before making a booking on BNB and AirBNB is to research on the place and see how far it is from places that you want to go.

A great advantage for BNB and AirBNB is that you often get to interact with the owner of the house. I stayed with a French Designer when I was in Paris; she was really friendly and helpful and introduced many places that we could visit and provided us with many help in getting around. Although my friend and I didn't have a plan when we went to Paris, everything was a breeze thanks to the help of our host!

Another advantage is that you will be able to actually "experience" the life of the locals by staying in residential areas that they are staying in as compared to Hotels and Hostels. You get to see more and learn more of the way of life of the people in that country, the neighbourhood, and of course, witness the friendliness of the people there.

I guess the more people you have, the cheaper it will be. There are also different accommodations catering to different travel groups, just search it. When I was in Munich with 9 other friends, the place we stayed in was originally an oven of a bakery. It was really huge (considering that it fits 10 people). It was really interesting to have stayed in an oven.

Also, some owners will include breakfast for the price you paid, whereas others will charge you a small fee. Before booking, check the owner's profile or ask the owner if you want. Also, communication is really vital here. So to avoid disappointment, ask the owner if you have questions. For instance, if you need WIFI, you should just ask the owner if it's available since not everyone has internet in their house.

Official site for BNB: www.bnb.com
Official site for AirBNB: www.airbnb.com

3) Hostels
Of course, another affordable option would be hostels. I have stayed in hostels very often and also in places such as Berlin and Rouen. Hostels are probably a cheaper option as compared to hotels. And the great thing is that you might probably meet and get to interact with people from different countries. For me, it was such a great thing. For instance, when I was in Berlin, I met a lot of people, be it Germans, or people from US, who shared the same room with me or simply just in the washroom or the lift. When I was in Rouen, I actually found company to go to Monet's Garden with me together and we even cooked a meal together. I have also met a French girl and till today, we're still friends. And guess what, she's studying in Rouen and is renting an apartment in Rouen; so she told me I could stay with her the next time I'm there! :D

Of course, there are certainly downsides. Lack of privacy and noise. People might be travelling in groups so they might get a little noisy and would be difficult for you to fall asleep. Also, hostels tend to have double-decker beds. I have an experience when the night before I had to wake up early in the morning to catch my train from Rouen to Paris, the person sleeping on the upper deck was flipping and tossing around and it affected and kept me awake every now and then in the night. Also, you might not meet new friends, depending on the time you visit a country. During my stay in Rouen, I practically had the whole room to myself. Well, good and bad. But considering that hostels are more affordable options and they are usually within short distance to the city centre, it is definitely worth considering.

4) Couchsurfing
The last option I'm going to write about is couchsurfing. For those who don't know, couchsurfing is an activity when a host offers you a space in their house, be it the living room or any empty space. So basically, you will likely sleep on their couch, that's why it's couchsurfing! The best thing is that it's free and it's suitable for travellers who are either travelling in pairs or alone (since a living room wouldn't be large enough to accomodate many people). Also, for people who would like to interact with the locals and have some people to hang out with, it's a great choice.

The downside is that normally you can only stay for a few days (since it's people's house and might not be convenient, but this all depends on your host). Another thing is that you have to socialise with your host. I have a friend who rejected this option because he doesn't want to socialise with anyone. I have only tried couchsurfing once and my hosts were awesome. They brought me to places. So I guess by opening up their space to you, the hosts hope to make new friends and interact with people from other countries in return. So you probably won't have much alone time to make your own travel but I guess this is totally negotiable. Of course, this option is not just to get free accommodation but to hang out with people living in that country.

Couchsurfing site: www.couchsurfing.com

So, above are some of the options one can explore, if you don't already know, when planning a trip. No matter which type of accommodation you choose, it is wise to look after your own belongings, even if you have a hotel room all by yourself/ with friends.

Also, before making a decision, consider what you want to gain from the trip (lots of sightseeing? interact with the local people?), what's your budget, and what kind of environment you want to stay in (quiet? noisy? personal space?). While research is certainly important and probably leads you to the best outcome, I personally like spontaneity. I decided to go couchsurfing just a few days before I arrived and have no exact idea what it is going to be like. I would encourage everyone to try out every options and step out of one's comfort zone and interact and meet people.

For we only live once

One Direction's Live While We're Young

Well, I'm not a fan of One Direction; in fact, I thought they were catered more to teenagers rather than a 23 years old person like me. I accidentally heard this song playing on TV a while ago and I was so curious who sang it because it was so catchy that it made me wanna sing along and stand up and dance. So I looked it up and was surprised it was by One Direction. Still not a fan, but shall open myself up to their music and hear other songs by them when I have the time.

The lyrics in Live While We're Young really hits me. I particularly find this part inspiring and motivating:

Let's go crazy crazy crazy till we see the sun
I know we only met but let's pretend it's love
And never never never stop for anyone
Tonight let's get some,
And live while we're young.

Words filled with energy, enthusiasm and individualism, whereby we do not need to live or cater to anyone but ourselves.

Life's so too, isn't it? We move at our own pace, at our own time. We compete, but ultimately, it's pointless, isn't it? You may be jealous that she's getting an A, but ask yourself, are you capable of getting an A in the first place? You may be happy because you got 51/100 while he has only gotten 49. But ask yourself again, is your grade good? Is it only good when you win someone? Everyone is an individual, there's seriously no need to compete, no need to ask for another person's grade to assure yourself or worsen your mood.

Sometimes I just want to pack up my bags and go; go where ever, not only because I'm young, but also because I only live once. I found free universities in certain parts of Europe and it just makes me think, perhaps I can just pack up and go. But no, while tuition is free, I have to think about living expenses, which are crazily high in comparison to Singapore. I don't want to pack up my bags and go as a student (at least not for now; till I'm financially independent), but as an employed worker. So, I really hope I could be offered the internship positions in Germany. If not, I would work here for a few years and perhaps pursue my studies there.

I trust that in time to come, everything will unfold beautifully in front of me, like a peacock showcasing its feathers or a Phoenix living much stronger after the fire. And everything that's happening are just contributing to that beautiful future. With destructions come constructions.

:(

Today I received another Email from one of the German companies I applied to and they rejected my application because my German wasn't good enough. Make sense; if one can't speak in Singapore, it's probably pose a huge communication difficulty and in turn reduce efficiency. Sad that I couldn't speak better German. And I don't really have enough money to get lessons at Goethe Institute. But still, Germany is still a place I want to work at, and live in.

Act of Good Will

I guess a lot of people won't be unfamiliar with LEGOs, whether you've played them when you were young or not. Those little, as I would like to call, BRICKS and figures that enable one to exercise his/her own imagination and construct his/her dream home, land, town, world, figures, etc. What you can create with it is meaningless.

I was reading and I came across this article.

Basically, this story is about a 7-year-old boy who lost a figure from his newly bought lego set that he bought with his pocket money accidentally. So he emailed LEGO and LEGO gave him a new figure equipped with additional items.

Wow, isn't that wonderful? It certainly is touching when companies (especially large ones like LEGO) go the extra miles to create satisfaction in their customers.

Indeed, as one of the comments in the above link stated, that LEGO may be using this opportunity to create publicity for itself. But, so what? Publicity or not, it's not really the main thing here. I do not blame them if their intention was partially to create publicity and build a reputation for themselves. They are a profit-driven company anyway.

What's important, the boy walks away with a new figures and extra stuff. Isn't that the wonderful thing?  Isn't that the most ultimate goal?

Clearing the Clutter

THEY, I don't know who "they" are but They said that clearing the clutter is a way of welcoming and improving your life in the new year.

Clutter are commonly referred to in its physical form; i.e things that you don't want/need and therefore should be removed for reasons such as cleanliness and clearing up more space. These physical clutter can be refer to old clothes in the context of tidying up a wardrobe, or anything that's lying around in your house that can be seen on touched.

Yet, there are also, in the more abstract form, the emotional clutter. Emotional clutter are things, events, memories or anything that affect/upset your emotional well-being. Generally, it may be things or feelings such as remorse, guilt, sadness, that are bothering you. These feelings may arise from relationships, past events, etc. I have had emotional clutters and I chose to put them down. One example is a deteriorated friendship.

I was rather close to a friend in the university during my freshman year and this continued to our third year when things started to take a different turns and deterioration sets in. Generally, we contacted each other less and less and I tend to feel awkward in her presence, no matter if it was just us or in a group. Sometimes whatever she said or do would portrayed to me an air of condescendence and superficiality. It's as if she gets close to me because she hoped she would stand to gain (which she didn't). I'm sorry but I don't need such friend (if they could be called thus) in my life. Sometimes I feel that I could be alone, without friends. Sometimes I'm rather hangout with myself in the university than with others. Perhaps it's not others, but me. I do feel lonely and hope there's someone to hang out with, but I'd rather hang out with myself and get use to the loneliness rather than engaging in conversations which I think are superficial, boring, shallow, and whatsoever that don't benefit but instead probably corrupt me mentally. That's why I don't really care when I have my convocation. So, off she goes in 2013. Perhaps we may never converse/contact one another again.

And after putting down this emotional clutter, I feel like a new me. A fresh blank page that's capable of being painted in more beautiful colours.

Of course, there are another type of clutter, I'm not sure what to call them. They are things that we have been putting off and if get rid of the way/done would benefit us a lot. For instance, learning a new skills may help one to improve on his/her job that he/she is doing right now. But one may be putting off this sort of learning due to excuses such as lack of time. Perhaps this clutter should be named the procrastination elements.

My resolution for this year is to be reborn again, to live a new me. Life's short and it's not too late to start living.

Endlich!

Finally! I have submitted my application for the job in Munich. Hopefully I get it.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Que Sera Sera, Whatever will be, will be

"Oue Sera Sera, Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see, Que Sera Sera" -- Que Sera Sera by Doris Day.

Having a fatalistic mindset; leaving everything to fate. An internship or job in Germany or not, I cannot predict. I shall have faith and hope for the best with crossed fingers.

Yesterday, I accidentally came across this company that I really hope to intern at for some reasons that I do not wish to disclose publicly. I hope I could get that; I hope they give me a chance. It's not a huge company, not one that I have heard of, but the possibilities that the job could offer excites me. I really hope I could get it. Also, I thought the way I came across this company could be a sign for something. I don't know but I really hope to work there.

By I guess whatever is mine, will be mine. Trust and have patience that everything is unfolding in the way that leads to the most desirable results and outcomes.

When is Tomorrow?

As the feet of Graduation approaches, the calmness in my heart is disrupted. In less than 6 months, I will receive an Honours degree and be termed a "Graduate". Sounds impressive? Yet, beneath this glamourous term hides a sense of anxiety, uncertainty, and financial incapability that relates to the 5 Ws and 1 H (Who, what, where, when, why, how).

I have no resolution for Year 2013. I just don't want to make any because I fear that I will not achieve them and end up feeling demoralised about it. I know pretty well, perhaps, what I want in this life and what I want now. I want to become a director and film-script writer someday. I want to go to Germany and I hope I get an internship for this semester.

For now, I just hope the internships give me positive results. Fighting against time is just not funny.

But oh, why worry about tomorrow when you have today? Live for the moment.

Jersey Boys Show

Oh, what a night, Jersey Boys. Your singing and stage presence made me can't take my eyes off you. Many humorous scenes that made me smiled and, of course, laughed; so awesomely presented that I felt like I was suspended in a particular time and space, and the theater was the world. What a time free of worries while your performance lasted. Of course, the touching scenes really touched my heart, but well, big girls don't cry. I would throw away my Rag Doll and be your Sherry. (Italicized are some of the songs performed by Jersey Boys tonight).

Audience were treated to a night of audio and visual goodies in the Jersey Boys show. Not only were there awesome hits, such as Can't Take My Eyes Off You and Sherry, what impressed me were Jersey Boys' strong stage presence and direction. The moves and gestures of Jersey Boys were well-synchronized and coordinated. Man, bet they spent a lot of time rehearsing to reach such perfection. The stage directing were also awesome and creative whereby the planning team made good use of the limited stage space. The changing of scenes were well-coordinated and well thought out. I shall not reveal anything about it because it will only do justice to such a great musical if one were to witness it with one's own eyes. 

An awesome musical that caters to not just your ears, but also your eyes (and perhaps, heart as well).

I would say it's money well-spent. And I also love the dialogues. Definitely money well-spent.