I hate this place and it doesn't help when my mum kept

asking if I have found a job. Of course I want to find a job, get out of here and go somewhere else, out of this house, and start a new life! It doesn't help with her asking me the same thing everyday when I am well-aware of the fact myself already.

Endlich, I have finished and submitted the job application

and now I can only keep my fingers crossed. Wonder what will come out of it. Hmmm...

Well it's May and soon it's going to be June...

... So people are travelling since it's the summer vacation for students, grad trips, or even a chance for getaways for working people.

Recently, I saw a lot of people going to Europe, especially Germany, when I scrolled through Facebook. Why the sudden flux?! It makes me so envious... wish I could be there, doing something productive, not just travelling around to sight-see.

Hope everything turns out well for the application.

Wish I could watch the Champion League finals.

And, I'm not sure where did my narcissism arise from... but when I realised so many friends are visiting Germany this summer, which was not the case all along since I didn't really know a lot of friends going there, I wondered to myself if I'm the influence? Is it because of the photos I took of the beautiful places in Germany, and my status updates about the wonderful people there, that make people want to go there. Ok, that's all.

I feel I'm really a perfectionist because I like the chance to restart

and do things all over again so I could, or so I thought, make things more perfect or better. It has been with me since young. I used to rewrite my homework over and over again just so I could have the beautiful handwriting of mine printed on the paper when I was in high school. I used to read text over and over again, when I read them half-way and realised that the way I was reading them weren't perfect, I would start reading right from the start. During university where I'd to write tons of essays, I will delete everything off the document and rewrite all over again, that includes my FYP. I think that's why I'm slow.

At times, I have also the urge to delete away this blog, start a new one with a new URL and blog about more beautiful things, just to, maybe... make it more perfect.

But for now, I thought I should keep it. I like the URL, it has been with me for a while.... keeping it, for old time's sake.... for now.... maybe.

Does anyone feel that the commentators for German Bundesliga on Football Channel are

a little biased, especially toward FC Bayern Munich or some of its players, or is it just me? And, they got the players' names wrong sometimes. It made me feel as if they are thrown into commentating for the Bundesliga when in fact, they actually wished that they were commentating on some other matches that they were more interested in. I wished I could tell them, whoever they are, that Lahm is not Schweinsteiger is not Van Buyten is not Müller is not Mandzukic is not Alaba is not Dante........ and the list goes on. Also, I think it's really i-don't-know-what-word-to-use when they made comments saying things like FC Bayern would still do as good even if a particular  player is not with them even though the player was scoring goals for the team. I mean, why say such hurtful things? And some are really biased against Bastian Schweinsteiger. I know there are people out there who don't like him as much as I do too, but sometimes the commentators' remarks were just negative and condescending. An instance was when Bastian Schweinsteiger was probably trying to explain to/plead with the referee about his so-called penalty and the commentator went like, "Why is Schweinsteiger even talking to the referee. He's not the captain, Lahm is". I know the captain usually speak on behalf of the team to the referee, but if Schweinsteiger was the person directly involved in the so-called penalty, wouldn't he be in the best position to talk about it?

Well, if they (the commentators) ever read this, they probably would ask if I could do a better job than them. Frankly, I wouldn't foresee myself being a good commentator, so I wouldn't even take up the job in the first place. But if it's your job, it's just natural for you to understand what you are doing and do it well. Getting names wrong, not knowing who the player is and has to wait till he turned his back so you could see his name on his shirt are definitely things that I think a sport commentator shouldn't do. I know there are a lot of players and it might be difficult to remember all the names, but seriously, every time? Fans would probably already know who the player is, what's the point of mentioning the name after 10 seconds later, and leaving the interval in silence with the commentator probably hoping the player would turn his back to the screen so he could see his last name on his jersey.

Meanwhile in FC Bayern Munich, Holger Badstuber suffered another rupture of his cruciate ligaments in his right knee again and has to be kept out of matches for another six months. That's really saddening.

And it seems like an end of the football season marks also the end for many. Jupp Heynckes' last season with FC Bayern Munich as their coach. Mario Götze's last season with BVB Dortmund as he is going to FC Bayern Munich for the next season. I probably need some time to get used to see him in his new red jersey. Just a little too used to seeing him in yellow. A little too many Marios in FC Bayern? I hope the current Marios will still remain in FC Bayern even though a new Mario is coming. I'm not sure how the team dynamic for the upcoming season will be. New player, new coach...... I hope it will be for the best. For them to claim the position of deutscher Meister again.

And away from FC Bayern Munich, Mike Hanke from Borussia Mönchengladbach will not have his contract renewed with the team, so basically, he will not be playing with the team anymore. :( It's kind of sad because I read that he was really happy to be in the team. Also, other prominent leavings in the football world would be Sir Alex Ferguson and David Beckham. I guess David Beckham is just literally an icon for football. Probably nobody, even without any knowledge of football, would not know or have not heard of him. 20 years of career sounds pretty short, but it's still awe-inspiring.

And once again, GET WELL SOON, HOLGER BADSTUBER!!!! I just wish I could give him a hug because he has been such an inspiration to me. Unlike me who has not achieved much, he, being the same age as me, is a renowned figure with so many people supporting and being there for him. He might probably feel that he is wasting his time away because he has to keep out of the field for another 6 months, plus athletes careers are pretty short, but I hope he wouldn't be discouraged, continue to fight on and come back a better player.

Meanwhile, I shall continue to work toward my dream... though I might not be as successful as Holger... but still... life moves on...

I'm finally near to completion of putting my work samples into

a single word document. Just realised I needed to scan an article. :( Hopefully I could take a high-quality and clear version of it with a camera.

I wonder what will I receive in return in putting so much effort into this application. While I think that some of my designs are pretty great, I believe there are many people, such as students from the fine arts, who could probably do a better job than me.

Oh well. Off to get some sleep before trying to complete the document tomorrow.

Finally, I am near to completing my application

for Zacademy and sending it out after so long. Just have to do a collection of my work samples. Hopefully I can finish by this week, which is tomorrow. Hopefully they want me though; just wanna work in a different country such as the US or Europe.

So, I have slowly come to accept that I'll probably never, ever see or befriend Sebastian again. Was reminded of him again when at the end of a show that I was watching on TV, a brand named called "Sebastian" appeared at the bottom of the screen. Among all the other brands that appeared alongside it, it was the only one that I really noticed although it was at a corner and not the center. 

Well, when one door closes, another opens, they said. Recently, I started to doodle little comics of my encounters with Sebastian on the few pieces of receipts that were piling up quicker than cash in my wallet. I'm having some trouble translating what's in my head into ink on paper. He looks different in every drawings. Perhaps I don't have the flair for drawing, despite my passion for it. At one point I ran out of patience when I was drawing the scenes of our first time talking. Partly because I'm just repeating the same drawing and just changing the dialogues. Yes, I remembered every exchanges we made, every word, because we didn't really talked much. 

On another hand, a company wanted to have a phone interview with me. I don't know if I want the job; I applied it partly because it has a company in Stuttgart and I just want to work in Germany; Netherlands is fine too right now. Let's see how the interview goes.

My bff from my summer university will be visiting another friend from the summer university in a few weeks since they are both in US. Wish I could join them too. Hope that I could see them again.

My face has been switching between being extremely oily and extremely dry recently. A few acnes have recently join the others to reside on my face. My hair has become brittle and hard to manage. Same as my acnes, it is either extremely oily at the end of the day and extremely dry after I washed it. To wash or not to wash, that is a problem. I think I'm just rotting day after day...

Okay, back to collating my work samples and hopefully something nice comes out of it.

Goodbye, Sebastian...

With a heavy heart and a bag full of regrets, I will type this last post about Sebastian. Well, even if I find him on Facebook, so what? I guess it's not about adding an extra friend to your friend list but the quality time spent together that is really important. Failing to find him on Facebook, it makes me wonder if I made him up myself... he, who is someone I created and therefore so perfect. He who is always there with empty seats at the table. His beautiful grey shoes and his wonderful smile. His voice when he says he's from "Amsterdam" and he is here for "exchange". He's like a dream, a phantom, that is so surreal that I don't know if he's real anymore. When I first met him, I thought I would have all the time in the world to know him because it was only the start of the semester. As time went by, I met him again having the same mentality. And I met him near to the last week of school and I took this chance for granted. If only I spent like 30 seconds to ask if he would like to go for coffee together someday, we might have become friends... He will be someone I'll always remember, though I may forget how he really looks like someday, I will always remember Sebastian, the guy from Amsterdam who has really nice shoes and smile. I hope I get to see him again, someday, somehow.

Goodbye, Sebastian...

This is really creepy but I actually

sort of searched Facebook for Sebastian's account. Yeah this is creepy. same goes to posting it on confessions, isn't it? (But I didn't do it, don't know why). It's strange, I couldn't find him at all. Is he even real? Does he even exist? Yeah, I know, he may be just really private about these social media things or simply does not use Facebook often. But seriously, not even a photo of him could be found on the exchange group. Went to school today, didn't see him. Guess he's probably back in Amsterdam or travelling somewhere. Just hate myself for not using 30 seconds to ask for his contacts when I met him the last time. Didn't know it would be the last. :(

They say, God's timing is always perfect and everyone plays a part in your life. Though I couldn't befriend Sebastian, knowing him actually let me know that I could actually study and/or work in Netherlands where English is mainly spoken. Perhaps God is just using Sebastian for that purpose?

Well, I don't know. It seems like a form of self-consolation. But there's no point engaging in a series of lamentation. Let live and be lived. A little regret in my life; if only he would post on the confessions and look for me... but ha! Who am I kidding.

Damn mosquitoes

biting me here and there.
 Why am I always the victim,
the one who ends up with the most mosquitoes bites?
Is it that my blood is more delicious,
to these little creatures,
or what? Je ne sais pas.

Today FC Bayern Mūnchen received Medals for

winning the Bundesliga title! Didn't know they have won the title for the most times in the Bundesliga history! That's so awesome! The match today against Augsburg was pretty stagnant at the first half of the match, putting a nil-nil score at the half-time whistle. At the second half, Thomas Müller took the head lead to score the first out of the total three goals for the match, followed by Xherdan Shaqiri and Luiz Gustavo respectively. Nevertheless, I have to say that the goalkeeper for FC Augsburg is really good; same goes for the team in general.

Sometimes I wish I'm Berni so I could stand and watch the game near the field.

Anyway, I'm learning HTML so I'm just going to try out some of the things here.

This part onwards may not make sense and you should probably stop reading.

Do you wish you're Berni?

Yes

No

Go to: Tumblr Facebook

Okay, I don't know why the form doesn't work :(

Whenever I see news report about people's death,

I feel so sad. Why should these innocent people die? And on the other hand, I yearn for those evil people that are still living and reminding me of their presences to die, to replace those innocent victims, no matter who they are. I just yearn for these evil people in my life to die. They have been around for too long. I imagine them running over by a car, or contracting an incurable disease and passing away... Perishing from my life and never to appear again. Just die die die die die. Death is the only thing I want from you.

Why do those innocent victims, those adorable children with great futures ahead of them, those adults and elderly that have been inspiration to many, should take the place of those evil people. If hell has open its gate and is hungry for human, take those four fucks!

So, exams were over yesterday

so I'd a bit of time to do nothing. Felt a little accomplished because I finished my resume that I want to send to Wunderman. Hope I get something in Europe though. And I'm going to school next week to do a Bloomberg test. And, I miss Sebastian.

When I first saw him, it was the start of the semester. I thought it was still early and I have plenty of time. And then time flies and it's the end of the semester, and I didn't achieved much considering that we didn't become friends. Oh well. :(

So I finished my last exam of my university life today...

... was in the library revising my work and hoping that I might meet Sebastian. But I didn't. :( Going to school again to return some library books I borrowed for my FYP. Hopefully I might see him there. But, I probably wouldn't be sharing a table with him? No excuse right? What am I gonna do at the table? Look at him? And he probably wouldn't go to the library anymore when his exams are over? He's an exchange student so probably he will be travelling or something? I don't know. Really hope I could befriend him.

Walked past a friend who asked me to sit with her during an elective lectures because she'd no friends in the same class as her and didn't want to be alone. Oh well. She didn't even say Hi to me when I walked past her before the exam. Did she not see me? Or is she upset that I didn't fork out time, shove my FYP writing aside and make time to show her what the professor wanted us to focus on because she chose not to attend class? And now being upset with me? Oh well, I don't really feel angry, upset or whatever. Perhaps because we contacted each other after entering uni because she needed someone to attend lectures together, and on the other hand, I has someone to attend lectures with. I may be selfish; it may also be because I value producing quality work for my FYP over friendship with her? I'm thankful for all my friends who had been so understanding and encouraging during the period of my FYP. Some people stay and some people leave. I don't really care, I don't know why. Too tired from studying for the exams? Or perhaps, I just see what's important in life. There's too many things to fret about and some things just aren't one of them.

Shall start updating my resume and apply for jobs tomorrow. Gonna watch a few episodes of Heidi anime in German, vielleicht. Oder gehe ich sorfort zu schlafen. Ich bin ein bisschen müde.

Why do people

like to send messages to their boyfriends/girlfriends by posting the messages on their facebook status updates? Can't they just create a private message window or something? Why do people feel the need to publicize everything? To make everything public, everything known, to everybody, when clearly it doesn't involve everybody? Is this a thirst for attention? A compensation for the attention that they cannot get in real-life? Or, to create a "perfect" lifestyle online, making people into believing that he/she has a wonderful life? Why... Why... Why... Perhaps I'm a little cranky trying to come up with ideas for my COM258 exams. Thinking between a year-long campaign (what do I do to make a campaign last for a year? Even google seems to fail me at this time) and a promotion for a new brand of sport shoes and sport wear. And thinking back, the other question I planned might not be on track. Emailed the professor, hope he might be kind enough to enlighten me a little.

A tree that I saw outside my window

just grew out leaves the other day.
Full of green leaves.
Today, a few days later,
red leaves appeared on it.
A sign of imminent withering
or possible bloom?

The game between BVB Dortmund and FC Bayern Munich

was pretty agressive today. A red card was issued for Bayern Munich player Rafinha. Pretty dramatic because both sides got into a seemingly heated argument. But it ended as quickly as it started. Looking forward to Bayern Munich winning the Champion League title. Unfortunately, I probably won't be watching the game because I don't have the channel. Oh well, would be nice if I can find a soccer buddy to watch it at the pub. :( Would really like to see Bastian Schweinsteiger and Mario Mandzukic in action. But, oh well, highly doubt this will happen.

Looking at my recent blog posts, sometimes I feel that

I seem a little obsessed with the Dutch guy. I don't know why I am so, especially when I have only met him four times-- in January, February, March, and April. It's May and I hope that I could see him once more. I'm thankful for my buddy who is always suffering my craps and craziness toward the Dutch guy and even asks me to brave myself up and talk to him. But I don't want to burden her with too much of my craziness for the Dutch so I guess the best outlet is here. I hope he doesn't find me rude the last time when we met, we said Hi and I just ran off. I was rushing to print my FYP which was going to be due in like a little while and I only managed to submit it just in time (Although I heard that people who were 15 minutes late after the submission time managed to submit as well, it's better not to risk it huh?). Thinking back, I guess having me asking if he wanna have coffee someday or whatsoever wouldn't hurt or delay my submission, but at that time of panic, all in my head were printing and submitting my FYP. :( :( :( I'm going to the school library to study on Monday, so hope I get to see him and share a table with him again.

If not, goodbye, Sebastian. I hope I see you again in Netherlands.

Mobile Advertising

Was reading the slides for my COM258 - Integrated Marketing Communication module and contemplating about the exam questions. And then I received a mobile advertisement on my mobile. Wondering how feasible is mobile advertising? Why would anyone use mobile ad in the first place?! True, it reaches out to people personally through SMS-es and such, but how many people actually read the content, no matter how concise it is? Perhaps it's only me, or do other people similarly get frustrated and irritated by mobile ad that you wished you have a block button to block the numbers from sending you mobile advertisements? And how reliable are they actually? The Internet is a much colourful place when people want to look for products and services, isn't it? And mobile ads, stop being so irritating. I wish I could block you guys from my mobile. I feel an unknown whelm of frustration and irritation whenever I see you guys. Get lost.

Planned to finish reading all the slides for COM258 on Friday

so that I could start working on the questions over the weekends and Monday. Yet, it's already 4.47 am on a Saturday and I'm no way half done with the slides. Probably gonna sleep an hour and continue with it because I can't absorb anymore. Hopefully, I'll be awake an hour later. Sometimes I think I sleep too much. Plan to go to school to study and print out my "summary" of the slides, but if I'm yet to finish, I have nothing to print, isn't it? I hope school isn't going to be crowded or noisy. And maybe... I could see him in the library again.

Just finished reading the slides of a chapter for my COM258 exam...

... Studying for my last two exams in my university life evokes a feeling of ambivalence. Perhaps, "bittersweet" might be a more romantic term to use. "Bitter" because everything is coming to an end, and "sweet" because everything is, likewise, coming to an end. Frankly, I really enjoy university life and if I could re-live it again, I would lived it better. Sad to say, I know many things and know that I could do many things (exchanges, internship, etc) a tad too late. Nevertheless, I'm glad for all the things that I've learnt, the classes I have attended, and the people (be it friends, professors, strangers, etc) that I have met. And these are the reasons why it's "bitter". But, as my FYP professor has told me, an end is the beginning of something "new". Something positive, I hope. I guess parts and parcels are mandatory in life and "this too shall pass" suggests that bad and good things will eventually come to a full stop. For this semester, I wished I could befriend Sebastian, or whatever his name should be spelt in Dutch. A poem has been running in my head the past few days, about my missed opportunities with Sebastian. I shall write it down, when the thoughts become more coherent in my head and I am able to string them into words. I know there are still a few more days to the end of the semester, which suggests a tiny possibility of me meeting him again, but what are the possibility? Well, to quote a song of The Beatles, "Let it be".

I will end this post with a poem I found online:

Source: http://s-undayevenings.tumblr.com/post/49521775396

I'm more productive in school library than at home, I don't know why. It seems I never get a lot of things done staying at home, even though I feel like I'm doing the same amount of things as when I'm in school. I don't even take breaks often at home whereas I would have coffee breaks or whatsoever in school. Sad to say, sometimes one can't have his/her cake and eat it (I don't know why he/she can't, you actually can if you buy a cake and the purpose is to eat it?! Well I digressed): The school is too far and I, perhaps, am just too lazy.

And yesterday at the school library, I actually thought I met this guy that I blogged about a while back. I'm not sure if it was him because he didn't stand out so much anymore. Still have the nice glasses, but well... I don't know. And he spoke in a language that I didn't comprehend, french maybe?

I should get back to revising and hope I could get an A- for this module. Yes, ambitious, but doesn't harm to aim high, right?