December, the festive season, just seems to enhance one's loneliness, when one has more time on hand, to stare into space, to think, and to contemplate; and to go out on the streets, seeing all the shops welcoming the festive seasons with products on display urging one to buy something for their friends, family, and the other half.

It is also a season of people breaking up (or perhaps it's always is) when I see my friends breaking up, changing their statuses on Facebook from "in a relationship" to single, or hear the news from someone else's mouths.

Yet, it is also a season of joy, people getting together, and falling in love, when I see my friends changing their status on Facebook from "single" to "in a relationship" or to "engage" or to "married".

This just enhances my loneliness, my alone, alone, alone, alone, all by myself.

12th December 2012, a day rumoured to be the end of the world, is reaching soon, soon, soon; will it be true, or will it just be another rumour that we will forget and laugh about it in time to come? Sometimes I'm tired with life, I just want to get out, perhaps nothing beats death, where everyone dies and the world perishes, and we aren't blamed for ending our lives, being irresponsible for our lives, because everything is nature, we just blame it our nature, on our lack of freewill, our essentialist notion of identity formation.

But I have not fallen in love; but I don't want just anyone, I only want a particular type and I don't meet these types very often and have the chance to talk to them often... I've met some in the school library recently while I was studying but I just have no reasons to go up and speak to them without seeming and revealing that I am trying to pick them up. That nice person who held the door for me, the guy who is always walking around with the hat no matter if you're in the library studying, in the canteen eating or in the exam hall (man, I saw you yesterday and today), the person who made weird noises, hiding behind shelves of books behind me, and talking as if there was someone beside you when there's only me, and that one whom I met in the library, who sat behind me and who spoke on the phone with the language I love so much; also that you whom I met at a soccer viewing and the next day in your school.

Scheiße.