Summer 2012

This Summer is probably the best Summer I have ever have. I do not regret coming here. I've probably met the most awesome people I could ever meet, although whenever you contact me or I contact you, it kinda makes me sick. In time of adversity, you know who your true friend are. I'm kinda tired of all your self-centeredness and this summer just highlight them all, when I needed your help the most. I'm a changed person; changed to become stronger, and changed to become more decisive. I'll still treat you as a friend, but things are not as before. But, I still love this summer, and love so much the new friends and strangers I have met.

Seriously, your attitude just pisses me off again and again. I feel bad because I value this friendship and not because I'm in the wrong. I have stated clearly that we will play by the ears and see how things go. I remember I have stated clearly. Now you think that I'm planning stuff without you and causing you to miss out opportunities. Seriously, I'm tired of all these crap. You think people will be there for you, when you aren't there for them when they needed it? You have the right to be selfish (every man's for himself), but remember, karma bites back, others have the right to be selfish too.

On another note, I'm so happy that you (another different you from the above, obviously) replied! I was wrong to think that you were just being courteous! I think I'm not being biased but I'm so glad that I've met so many awesome people this summer. People who are selfless and helpful, and not just think about themselves.

Oh please, stop making it sounds as if it's all my fault and centering the world around you. It seriously sucks.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a boring person... Why do the people around me have so much stuff to talk with everyone, even people I have known before them, and I, I'm always left somewhere and feeling that people aren't interested in talking to me.

Why didn't you reply my Email? Why did you get my hopes high for nothing? Why did you tell me to Email you when I'm coming to visit? Even if you don't want to meet anymore, you could just reply something, right? It sucks to be so hopeful and in the end everything boils down to nothing.

Transgender

After reading this article, I remembered a line in Lady Gaga's "Born This Way": No matter straight, gay, or bi, lesbian or transgender life, I'm on the right track, baby I was born to survive.

I do not have any oppositions against people who are not-straight; in fact, I know some people who are actually gay or bi. I mean it's their life, why should others be bothered if these people are straight or not.

The above article is touching not merely because this guy actually accepts a transgender girlfriend, but it gives the readers, at least me, hope. The hope that this world is not hopeless, that there's true love which transcends all societal norms and constraints. That love is not built on our appearances and biological/physical functions, but it's based on something else, something undefinable (perhaps we can define this as "feelings" but I think the term doesn't fully describe this undefinable element).

In this world when we are being categorised and fit into a box called societal norms, it's nice to hear that such amazing things do happen. I hope in time to come, soon, such story will not be something that people feel amazed about. There's nothing to be amazed about, they are just like each and everyone who prides themselves as "straight".

Courage

I thought I could be brave, to embark this journey alone. But why is it that my heart is filled with fear and anxiety, tears at the brink of my eyes, as the day to leave draws nearer and nearer? Isn't that what I have been wanting? What I said I wanted? Isn't this all my decision? To choose to go? But why, why this feeling? It's only two months. Everything will turn out fine. I would have gone somewhere else after my program, just to have people I know and travel companions around me. But after meeting you, I wish to go where you're and will be. You gave words, but I hope you keep and remember them; for I take those seemingly innocuous words as truth, as promise, as a glimpse of hope. Of course, spending all my days with you after my program ends would be ideal; but that seems impossible. I have just known you, perhaps should be, you have just met me. I have been around, it just that you have no idea. I don't harbour any erotic or romantic fantasies towards you, just hope that we can be good friends who probably hang out with one another from time to time. I guess I should decide, and then tell you about it, and hope you reply the message.

Keeping my fingers crossed.