Hello the guy with blond hair and blue eyes!

I'm a pretty self-conscious person and whenever someone looks at me, I get pretty uncomfortable. It's like as if there's something on my face, there's something with my clothes, basically just something wrong with me.

So, yesterday I was waiting for the bus at the busstop and there was a guy, who was similarly waiting for the same bus as well. He kept looking at me, or rather in my direction, which made me kind of uncomfortable, despite his beautiful blue eyes and blond hair. If I were to flatter myself a little, I could say, perhaps, he wanted to make friends with me and there's nothing wrong making friends with people  in college, But Blue-eyed boy, perhaps you could just speak up. Looking at me and sitting near me on the bus doesn't really help. Eventually I did managed to talk to him...

I didn't expect,

what I didn't dare to pass to you back then,

becomes something of so much joy to me.

Despite the time and whatsoever there is,

a simple appreciative gesture from you,

brings me among the clouds,

from the burning flame.

I miss you; I wish I could talk to you more often, but I just don't know what. Still, it's incredible that we're friends now! How interesting fate is. 

Now I'm so excited to make my way to the Post!

Pablo Neruda's Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

-Pablo Neruda's Sonnet XVII

I saw a wake at the open space near my house. I hope yours will be there tonight. :)

You've no idea how much courage it took for me to send you that message. I just wanna to have a "hey, how're you?" from you, is that too much?

Perhaps it's my karma; that's what I always do to other people whom I'm not interested in talking to: ignore them. At least you're nicer than me, I would appear offline to them, and you didn't did that to me.

I should be glad, perhaps?

Never give up, miracles happen everyday

Image Source: http://inspirinquotes.tumblr.com/post/29964025714

"Never give up, miracles happen everyday".

Yes, there're two things that I have not given up, one is YOU, and another one is to be a scriptwriter and director.

1) Although we don't talk anymore, I sometimes wished about you at 11:11. Whenever I see you online, I wished that you would take the initiative to talk to me. Oh well, perhaps I bored you out at our last meeting. :( Anyway, despite the fear that you might find me irritating, I've decided that if I ever see you online and you seem like you're probably not gonna be busy, I gonna say hi. I've come so far. From a stranger to you, someone who just looked at you from a far two years ago, to now. I have never thought we could become friends, or that we could actually know one another. When I see you on my last day of exam, before last semester ended, I still thought to myself that I wouldn't ever get to know you in my own life. Alas! How amazing this world is! I am really thankful for such little miracles that happened in my life. Perhaps God knew that I wanted that, perhaps I had been making the same wish way too much, or perhaps God just wanna show me that even if we become friends, we wouldn't become close friends (judging from the fact that we aren't keeping in touch at all). Nevertheless, I would still try to talk to you. I never know if I never try. I hope you would still remember me when I talk to you the next time.

2) I've always thought perhaps journalism is the thing for me, it's something that I will want to do for the rest of my life because I enjoy writing. I actually enjoyed Media Writing class. :) But well, I realised, no, I didn't really like journalism and didn't really want to be a journalist. I still prefer something on the drama/film production side. The people around me were into journalism and so I thought I'm one too. But no, recently I had this realisation that journalism is not something I really want. It's something that I thought I want because I thought I can never be shooting/filming stuff. It has been with me since young, and that fire is still burning so strongly. I have decided, I shouldn't give up on my dream, or what poets like to call, vocation.

I wanna re-live this Summer, if I could

If I could, I would really want to re-live my summer again... Not sure how... Perhaps in a different way. Not that how I spent my summer is bad, but if I could, I would choose to spend more time with my new friends or be more outgoing and become good friends with them at an earlier stage.

Strange. When we were there, we lived as if we did't know that someday, somehow, we were gonna say goodbye and might never meet again. I've experienced such things rather often, from primary school, secondary school, JC, and to University. While people still meet up once in a while, I've to admit it's hard to keep in touch regularly and often as when we were at the same place. What's more, we have different time zones and different kinds of life.

I miss my friends so much. I wished I party-ed more. I miss that overdose of freedom when I can go out at anytime, reach home at anytime, grab a beer whenever I want, etc. I miss meeting up with friends at Schlossgarten, and then bought a beer and just sat on the huge grass patch and drink (even with random new strangers we encountered). 

I miss the time when random strangers just said "hi" to me and tried to make a conversation or small talk. I laughed at myself when I thought some were bad people and I just had to be stern and cold in responding to them. I miss people talking to me on the train, in the lift, and even on the streets. 

I just miss that place so much. It's about a month since I returned, but it seems so far away now.

I'm back in Singapore, but I have to admit, my heart lies somewhere in Germany. I forgot to take it back, maybe I should go there and look for it.