I went to my friend's convocation yesterday,

and heard that one of my friend got a korean boyfriend because she works in a korean company. Envious. If only I could get into a german company. As convocation draws near, I recall the missed opportunities that took place during my undergraduate days...

It seems like the dream to work internationally is getting further and further away from me...

I guess my application for Zacademy falls through... Am I destined to live a life like so many other of the people I know...? There's nothing wrong with theirs, but just that they prefer to stay put where they are, whereas I'm just ready to take off any second.

So i realised the opening for Lufthansa's IAP closed just when I was going to apply...

It seems that my dream toward Germany is getting further and further to the extent that it seems impossible. Maybe I'm just fated to be a loser, willowing in self-pity and swimming in my own regrets.

Inertia probably got the hold on me...

Or perhaps it's lack of motivation or incentive.

Ich habe keine Ahnung. Approximately 3 more days to making a decision.

Eat a few months of grass and perhaps things might be better?

It's july

seems like I didn't get the Y&R job :( hope i get the lufthansa job which I will be applying in a few days.

Na ja...

Got my first rejection letter from P&G. Oh well. Somehow I think I might not get into Wunderman too, recalling how my initial resume sucks so much and all my achievements are like those light hitting dust particles in comparison to those sparkling stars high up in the sky.... Still, deep down, I still hope I will get it. It's easy to have faith, when all is good... The challenge is to keep on believing, in times like this. But what if I believe, but it turned out otherwise? Ja, I know there's no use worrying about tomorrow, but just like emotions of the heart, can one stop it? One can probably distract oneself from it, but in the quiet recesses of the night, these suppressed images and thoughts, together with those regrets, scream louder than one's brain can contain.

Singapore is filled with haze, just like in the movies like The Day After Tomorrow or Independence Day... Just like how the Earth is, before it is destroyed... The haze blurred the surrounding, the blue sky and greenery fade out of sight.

I experience the haze within and without.

The air will clear someday, but... will the haze within be?

"Jealousy... is...

the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on". Seeing people having MBA, dream jobs, exploring the world just make me so green with envy. It's easy to say to explore the world, live and travel while you're young if you can. For example, having money, studying engineering and doing an internship because they are in high demand, or simply having a german other half. But I have neither. Even if I want to execute something, can I? These lofty dreams and desires are laying dormant in my head, struggling to become reality... I don't know if they are going to be dormant forever... or for how long.